I spoke earlier about the importance of music in a relationship; how it can take you back so easily to an earlier time. (You can read the post here.) The feeling of nostalgia that music creates between partners is an undeniable bonding agent. Hard to be annoyed with someone when a certain song comes on and brings you back to a particular place and time.
This weekend I had the exciting opportunity to mix the element of music with the element of surprise.
I was Googling various songs when I wrote that post about music and noticed that one of the artists on my list would be playing October 24th in Big Bear, about two hours from where we live. I love to see live music but I especially adore small venue music, so how can you resist a show at a place called The Cave? I immediately bought tickets to surprise him with.
Are you good at surprises? My husband is not good at creating them, but loves to get them. I am the reverse, so it works out perfect really. If I tell him I need him for 36 hours, no questions asked, he is all in.
When my schedule was at its worst, there was no time to think out or plan these kinds of things. I would have killed him had he tried to surprise me with anything…just.need.sleep!
But why are surprises important? I recently heard Esther Perel’s Ted Talk about the secret to desire in a longterm relationship. Love is all about stability and security, while desire is built on a sense of surprise and mystery. Surprise is integral to keeping desire alive, and as a bonus, if you listen to her Ted Talk, you get to hear her fabulous French accent.
I have had people tell me, “After X amount of years, there are no more surprises” and I think this can be absolutely true, unless you intentionally go out of your way to create them. At different times in our lives, I had no interest in providing him any sort of mystery (the phrase, “Oh hell no” comes to mind)…maybe we weren’t getting along, maybe things were too crazy with the kids. These were times of depletion for both of us. If you stay together a long time and aren’t careful, you can simply lose the ability to even try to create any kind of element of surprise in your relationship. So many people wait in bitterness for something to come to them…so much better to take action and create it yourself.
I am so grateful to be at a place where I can willingly create it myself…where I have the positive energy to give it.
So, off we go to the Village at Big Bear. I have strategically planned to eat and sleep within walking distance of the venue.
Since my surprise was very last minute, sometimes you gotta take what you can get.
We were thankfully able to find a room at the Robinhood Resort and it turned out to actually be an awesome, funny place to stay. We will definitely come back here in the winter to ski. Can’t beat a fireplace and jacuzzi in the room.
We had a great dinner outside on the deck at Peppercorn Grille before wandering over to The Cave. We were there to see Deana Carter. We loved her first album so much and played it endlessly for a time. Let’s just say we have been known to sing Strawberry Wine very loudly from our porch…yes, alcohol may have been involved.
Deana left Nashville years ago, dropped out of music, moved to Los Angeles to raise her baby, who is now 11. We are so excited she is coming back and touring again. Her voice is strong as ever.
To add to the surprises, we were chosen to go to her trailer for meet and greet! She was so sweet and had actually read my blog post about her…(seriously, this internet thing is nuts!)
A couple things I learned about her last night:
- She wrote Kenny Chesney’s, You and Tequila, a testimony to her song writing skills.
- Her father, Fred Carter, Jr is a famous guitar player, having played with the likes of Roy Orbison, Waylon Jennings, Simon and Garfunkle, Joan Baez and Bob Dylan to name a few. She did an album of duets, a tribute to her father, called The Chain. She sang her version of Help Me Make it Through the Night, which is on The Chain…awesome!
- Her newest CD is Southern Way of Life
A couple things I learned about romance last night:
- Surprises are good, even if they’re spur of the moment.
- Things that have a high potential to be cheesy (Robinhood Resort could have gone either way!) also have great potential to create really fun memories.
- Our 25 year old playlist rocks!
What surprises have you created lately?
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