Writing, romance, travel, connection, gardening, farming, cooking, and why is that?
The focus of this blog is on the major turnaround I had in my life earlier this year, the process of taking a bad situation and making it good again. I worked a crazy amount of hours, slept 6 hours a day on a good day and never saw my family. There were so many times I said, “if only I had the time, I would be out there doing _____.” My blog is about the discovery of those lost things.
So first up this week – Romance.
The funny thing is, asking people about romance and what it means to them, I had no idea this could turn out to be a damn near hostile topic! I was very taken aback by the responses. I asked for feedback from a broad range of women in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and 60’s.
I know because of my schedule earlier this year, romance had to be the first to go. My husband had essentially become my pit crew, slapping me back together and pushing me back out there each day. That was all the romance I could hope for during that time. I am fortunate in that he did a number of things for me at the height of the craziness that I consider romantic. For example, he put those old fashioned looking string lights in my garden. It makes the place magic to me at night. I would like to say my husband is so up on this whole romance thing, that he totally knew what he was doing with that, but no…truth be told, he had no clue. But he knows me, loves me and wanted to create something special just for me…that right there is the essence of romance to me. Doesn’t get any better than that.
So back to my unscientific survey; the 20 somethings I spoke with weren’t exactly sure it existed, especially in this social media driven world they have been raised in. They are still in the process of defining it for themselves.
The 30 year olds are a different story! Based on my small sample, those 30 year olds got it going on! The heat and passion in their world is palpable.
Here is what Miss Kennytta, age 33, from Atlanta, Ga had to say; “For me romance is a frame of mind. Anyone can be romantic but to fully experience romance I think that you have to be it in every sense of the word. I have felt romance by a single touch, embrace, stare. Romance can be shared by two people who don’t love one another and never will, or by two people that love each other deeply. Romance is fluid and ever changing, someone can see romance in one thing and the next won’t. It’s an expression of love. It doesn’t have to be love or as I said shared by lovers or even people who love each other. It can just be a shared experience between two people. With that being said..ahhhhhh…I loooove romance!”
See what I mean…sister’s feeling it! I love that.
Here’s another one; Shawnta also 33, from Greensboro, NC, “Romance can be displayed in different ways. For me it can be a romantic moment, day, trip, act or something he may say… I feel like it’s something that you have to work on, on a regular basis because you can get content and complacent with someone and not even think about it and up to a point where the romance is gone. I do all of the above and also leave little notes for him or even a text here and there. You can be romantic in so many ways. Just take the time to show or display how you feel about the person you are with.”
Now, I am ready and willing for you all to prove me wrong on this next statement…many of the 40’s and above ladies that I spoke with were all at various levels of resignation about it being a part of their lives anymore. There were some beacons of hope out there for sure, but overall, resignation.
Does it still have an important place in our lives once we hit 40? Does it always wane at some point? Is it possible those ladies with heavy resignation in their voices became complacent as Shawnta mentioned above? Maybe, but in all honesty, every situation and circumstance is different. Each life takes many different twists and turns. Last thing we need to do is compare our level of romance to another person’s. We do, however need to do two things: (1) understand what it really is to us as individuals. There is no right or wrong and this is as individual as we are, and (2) nurture and feed it in order for it to be healthy.
I will share other stories and opinions that I received in the coming weeks. They are very entertaining! In the meantime, I would love to hear your input on romance and what it means to you.
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